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There is always a scenic view:

You just have to be willing to see it.

Month

December 2014

jeans and a T-shirt

jeans and a t-shirt

walking inside

i felt very shy

amongst the

doors

draped in yellow fabric

confidently greeting

me-

or the green pasty

henna

that lay in a metal orbital

on the

floor,

dressed in colorful foils

whose distinct creamy oils

i could taste and feel

at any chance.

but now my Focus

was in the room

ahead

of Me,

where people danced

to

r h y t h m s

very loud and ch-op-py

not afraid to wiggle like

water.

and people sang songs

to the beat

of a leather drum

that stayed very static

for every song.

“who is she?” i say

to my cheerfully

clapping

coat-taker

as i point towards the

felicity Girl

confidently twirling

her hands

and arms

and feet

in a patterned

swish.

“the Bride.” she

replies

while tossing me

a weird look

as she tosses my coat

behind us.

“oh.” I’m being

                                            dragged into

the whirlpool

of dance

by the queen of ice

herself

and in this moment

i wished i knew

how

to create mystical art

or at least-

was wearing something comparable

to the draped doors

or a

tennis racket.

Saity

saity

at a glance

your fluffy

white fur

curled

on Your skin

almost covering your

Eyes

so cutely-

but when i

pet  you

something beneath you,

hidden

Beneath

all that fur

makes me feel like…..

You lied to

me.

Your Confession

Your confession 📇

In my hour of darkness 🌌
Instead of holding a lantern 🔦
To help light my way
With an open hand 👋 and open heart 💓
You ran the other way. 👟

“You were so negative and always down” you said….
To my painful silence.
What could I possibly say
To UN-do the horrible thing
you just admitted to?

When I needed a friend-
An umbrella in the rain ☔️
Coat over a puddle
Tissue in a room full of sneezing people
Doorman while carrying a tray of Starbucks cups
Penny when the total is 5.01. 💰

You made
yourself not be there for me
On purpose.
Was I not fun enough?
Was I not accommodating enough?
Was I not generous enough?
I get it, I only bent over backwards 300 degrees, not the full
360 you required.

Here we are
On my birthday🎉nonetheless
And your excuse for not being there
All this time ⏰
Is because I was “too negative”?
Im so sorry I wasn’t smiling through
Depression.
I can’t UN-hear what you just said.
I can’t UN-feel what you just made me feel.
My real mistake was not
trusting you
Being there for you
Showing kindness-
It was expecting you to
return all those to me
With
The same respect.
That bridge 🌉is burning
And it is because
You have poured the kerosene. ⛽️

Just Another Day

According to Facebook urban legend today is a day where people are required by law to leave a comment on my page with the dreaded 13 letter word no one above age 26 wants to hear (Unless you’re a pop star and need that ego boost)

“Happy Birthday” .

Having been on hiatus from FB, i’ll admit curiosity has very much intrigued this cat, so I did log in this morning to see the wishes, and they were from people I expected to hear from, close family, and friends of somewhat closeness.

It always is a two sided coin so of course there’s the other half that don’t wish you, or leave a very fake birthday wish with the generic “hope you have fun” or “have fun tonight’ knowing very well you are probably watching netflix after work on your ipad, even on your birthday whereas on their “special” day you had bought them surprise concert tickets a month in advance. But of course this very person texting “I would have been spending it with you if I didn’t have a family emergency” should make things magically better, because there must have been an excuse for every single month of the 5 months we haven’t had a chance to meet up other than the fact that I didn’t coordinate plans be it buy tickets for a Broadway show, concert, etc.

This year, both age-wise and in the 2015 calendar year I have some realizations for myself that I tend to follow through on this time.

1) Say what you feel (No more bottling things up and being the nice person that gets walked all over, always forgiving and giving others second, third, 5th? chances. I’ll forgive you and after the second chance won’t count on you being there for me, and definitely won’t be there for you.)

2) Get rid of it if it’s not working for you, instead of you making it work. (Be it a friendship, sweater, or two sizes too small Lacoste polo. It may have been worth investing in a few years ago, but at the moment it just is not flattering in any way. Why always be the one to coordinate plans but the other person can’t do the same? If you have to layer another shirt underneath it, why have a polo you can’t wear on it’s own? Less is going to be more in 2015.)

3)Truth and Time tells all. (I may have just quoted Justin Bobby from “The Hills” but that character knew his philosophy. Having been on self initiated hiatus for the past few months I have learned a lot about people around me that I thought were close “friends”, etc. If all the time we spend together is you venting, me being the therapist or supportive friend, where is my end of the share going? Not having to “be there” for everyone else I now have been able to be there for myself, and focus on what I actually want and need. )

4) Stop making excuses for why you need something/someone (If you don’t love it, get rid of it. If your idea of a good friend is someone who will call you at least once every two weeks, don’t settle for someone who calls once a month at their own convenience. If you hate a job, quit. If your sister in law got you a vest you think is hideous, exchange it. Yes this happened recently, lol)

5) Believe in yourself everyday, and if someone else disagrees with a plan you may have/something you want stay away from them. (I had this happen where a “friend” actually discouraged me from taking a really good job which may have been an opportunity I could have prospered from. Ultimately I can’t blame anyone else but myself but it is astounding when you realize how unknowingly certain negative presences and energies can unconsciously affect you. Supportive people are hard to find, but the best things are worth searching for.)

6) Authenticity is irreplaceable. (If it doesn’t feel right, or like something you can stand by 100000% percent don’t agree to it. Be it a personal statement for school, situation, or party you are invited to. If you don’t think you are going to have a good time at a party then don’t go. What’s the point of going just to be polite or make someone else happy?

7) A healthy you is a happy you. (I have been eating non stop junkfood lately- since Turkey Day and my body finally retaliated- was in bed for 4 days last week! Now is the time to give away all that candy and take a few hours each week for yoga/walking.

That’s it for now, any tips, advice kindly can be left in the comments! Happy New Year folks.

Pen Pals

What ever happened to pen pals? The other day I was cleaning out drawers and found old letters from several pen pals that I had. I remember growing up, even until high school I had many pen pals that I exchanged letters, cards, drawings, and cute little gifts with. It was really cool to talk to someone you normally would not meet or perhaps be friends with in person.  Of course life happens I guess, and then facebook went and destroyed any snail mail way of communicating with those people. I occasionally try to find those long lost friends on facebook but it is much to no avail, and the addresses are long gone.

I just thought of pursuing the idea of snail mail friends again yesterday, and much to my dismay most of the websites that link you to possible pen pals are either a pay for usage or are free and have extremely creepy listings. And by creepy I mean sounds like someone overseas trying to carry out a money laundering scheme, prison inmate, or ghostwritten profile. (Sigh)  Anyone know of a good legit place to find pen pals?

P.S. If you’re interested in becoming pen pals (and live in the US) leave it in a comment! It would be cool, maybe we could send tea samples (in lieu of stickers), chocolate (in lieu of candy canes), and other small random stuff. Who says snail mail is dead? We can totally bring it back.

P.P.S- I’m not creepy like most of the other pen pal ads out there lol.

My Heart (is in Peshawar)

SavedPicture-2014911175.jpg

I’ve neglected you, I know.

It’s been one year turned to two

turned to a Decade.

I’ve not seen you.

but that Doesn’t mean-

I don’t miss:

your dusty streets

vendors chanting

Rickshaws humming

bazaars buzzing

birds chirping.

You’ve always been charming

but now it is not your charm

that you have lost- you are no longer

safe.

and I dont know

why.

You’re bleeding at the seams

and I feel it just

as if I never left.

If it wasn’t for you

my parents would never have met

at my uncle’s wedding,

they would never have left

I would not be here writing this.

would I have been a shop girl

tending to the birds at the bazaar

or unraveling fabrics in Saddar?

I’m not sure

but at least there would be no distance between

us

right now.

And I would be there

to clean you help

mend your wounds

help you figure this out.

All I have done right now is feel helpless

and distant

and sorrow

and horror

and sadness.

Seeing those little faces

all that comes to mind is-

why

how

when.

My tears have not yet

turned into a wishing stone

so I could wish it away

for the mother

who has lost all 5 of her children

and has not gone home for nearly a week.

she lives in your streets now,

she longs for your comfort

your old safety.

But you and I both know

those days are

long gone.

Peshawar

I will pray for you.

I won’t stop dreaming.

I won’t stop hoping.

I won’t stop believing.

Soon I will visit you,

but I will not and can not forget those faces,

and what was great potential

for your future that you lost

that unimaginable day.

inSide/OutsidE

Inside?- Outside


I lay on the wet grass

Musty and

misty

Toss ing  my ears

Droop-ing

and dripping

From side

to side

S w o o s h i n g  and  

swishing.

Wondering-

Will you ever let me in

again?

Moaning and

Groaning

In the cold.

Burring and

being

Furry and

worried

Wondering if he will let me in

again.

35 years

35 yrs

she looked

at his face-

covered

in streaming sunlight

that       Poured

in

through

the G l a s s

he looked Thirsty-

for something more

she offered him

the G l a s s

that she held

he refused

and said

I’m not Thirsty-

walking

Out.

35 years of Marr-

iage.

Keep d a n c I n g

Keep dancing

Just because
You have been
S t u n g
By bees
Does
NOT
Mean you SHOULD
Stop ⚠️⚠️⚠️🚨
Dancing barefoot on clovers 🍀🍀🍀🍀
Smelling flowers crouched down 🌺🌻🌹
Taking a nap on sun dried grass 🌱🌱🌱🌱
Staring at the cool whip clouds ☁️⛅️☁️☁️
In the
garden.🌸🌷💐🌺
It just means
You will be
Much wiser
When you notice
Something black
& yellow
F l o a t ! n g 🐝🐝🐝
Towards you.

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